as i sit here...

As i sit here in my sister's room, my computer's new location, not the best location because we're screwed over when the baby has to sleep and we have to leave the fricking room, i think.
I meditate profoundly about what to write in my blog.
I've already talked about nazis and alcohol, and i havent had sex or taken drugs yet... i could talk about communists or cigarettes, but talking about commies is boring, and cigarettes taste bad.
My blog isn't ready for the good things in life yet... I can't talk about love or family, because love sucks and family... well i think im too young to have created one by now. but if you know of any son of mine somewhere on this earth (possible locations include syria, cairo, argentina or spain... double check spain, summers there are crazy...) please contact me.
Well the truth is i realize how empty my life is. As I listen to Lullaby by the cure for the umpteenth time, trying to learn the lyrics, the music is blocked out by thoughts of how little i've done since I left the horrid place where there are yellow bodies and things the size of berries, which I'll never eat again. Ever.
When you're a teenager you think that you've experienced everything. But if you think about it, you haven't done anything at all. And you're not doing anything either. You just watch how your grades go down the drain, going from party to party, drink to drink, hangover to hangover.
what have i accomplished in my 3 years as a teenager? Lets see... I spent two of those years suicidal and depressed when I didnt adapt in Argentina. And when im finally happy, I try to act depressed and suicidal. Why do I do that? hormones? bi-polarity? boredom.
The only reason i get depressed every 20 seconds is because of the fact that i dont do anything at all. I just sit and wait for things to happen.
I didnt expect this blog entry to become so profound, because i really didnt plan it to be anything at all... just filler space in this, according to sophie, ironic and depressing blog.
But it made me think things through. yay.

party tonight. yay.